Tag: scott ryan twin peaks

I have seen Twin Peaks so many times that almost every line of dialogue in the show is as familiar to me as the chorus to Piano Man. I also find myself saying these things in real life to other people. They always ignore me because I say it like they should understand the context. If you are in the middle of a story and say, “We are not in Kansas, anymore.” Everyone understands what your metaphor is. But if you say, you remind me of a Mexican chiwawa, they think you are crazy. Here is a list of my top sayings I use in real life.

• “Don’t take any Oink, Oink off that pretty little pig.” Bobby has some good ones throughout the show, but I strongly suggest you start using this one in real life, especially if you have children. Whenever my wife goes off to ask the children why they left the refrigerator wide open all day, I like to say, “don’t take any Oink, Oink off those pretty little pigs.” It is safe cause you are saying they are pretty, but also that that are pigs.

• “I mean it like it is, like it sounds.”  The one armed man scenes are always creepy. I say this when no one understands me and I don’t get why. I might say, “Hey, I really don’t like Chipotle. I don’t see paying that much for a taco.” They respond, “why?” I would say, “I mean it like it is, like it sounds.” I like this one because most people don’t listen to what people actually say. They just assume what you are going to say. If they are not a Twin Peaks fan, they always just ignore my comment and move one. I also like to say, “Eager for fun, he wear a smile, everybody run.” But again, this is a list where I take them out of context and use them as Shakespeare sayings not just creepy lines.

• “Like a turkey in the corn.” This is a fun one to comment when someone tells you a story about an idiot. So use it the next time your co-worker is making fun of that person on your team that never does any work and messes up everything. “Man, did you see how Mike totally turned in that report without adding the graphs for the Mid-West division? He totally screwed that up.” Respond with, “Like a turkey in the corn.” If you are feeling brave, add a Gobble, Gobble.

• “He’s the Bartender, isn’t he?” I say this with the French accent and all. “ees da baatender, isn’t eee.” This one again is so random I feel bad for my family. This is my response when I don’t just want to say yes. Example: Do you want Pizza for dinner? I say, ” He’s the bartender, isn’t he?” I enjoy saying it with the Renault brother accent. I love how each brother has a completely different accent. Maybe they have 3 different Mothers?

• “Jacques, you crazy fucking Canadian.” Ok, this is a stretch, but I say this whenever anyone mentions that anyone is Canadian. “Mike Myers is Canadian.”  I respond, “Jacques you crazy fucking Canadian.” That is when people usually walk away.

• “Candy’s Dandy.” We complete a Renault brother trifecta with this Halloween favorite of mine. Again you have to say it with the third Renault accent. This is something I like to say to the trick or treaters who come to the house. Trick or Treat? Treat, of course, because “candy’s dandy.”

• “This is where we live, Shelly.”  This is my all time favorite line of dialogue. I love to say this as I pull into the garage after a long road trip. I think in many ways Lynch has an amazing ability to whittle down what life is really about. I think this line is maybe the most Zen line in the entire series/movie. What more can be said about life than: “This is where we live, Shelly.” My goal for my entire life is to get to say this to someone named Shelly.  Should I set my bar higher?  I think not.

• “I have been there before, and I’ll be there again.  But I am in that doghouse again.” Big Ed is a wealth of great lines. This one is saved for dealing with the women in my family. Believe me, I have been there before, and I will be there again. I have been known to say this one as I hang up the phone.

So those are some of my favorite things to say from the show. Remember these were all ones I use out of context, so no “Wrapped in Plastic” or “Damn Fine Coffee” on this list.

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SCOTT RYAN IS THE AUTHOR OF THIRTYSOMETHING AT THIRTY:AN ORAL HISTORY and THE MANAGING EDITOR OF THE BLUE ROSE MAGAZINE. FOR MORE INFORMATION CLICK HERE.